This day

Today I felt weepy; seemingly for no apparent reason.  Several little things piled into a giant ugly ball of emotions I failed to contain. They spilled out of my eyes without warning several times throughout the day.

I discovered I cannot be a foster parent. It wasn't exactly on our radar but it's good to acknowledge areas of concern before venturing into new territory. Brycen will no longer be coming to play in the new year. The news rattled me. He belongs here. We feel like someone is missing when he spends the day with his actual family. He's joining his older brother in the daycare he's waited to enter for months. I understand the family's need to maintain sanity with one drop off/pick up location but it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. I grow rather attached to these little people. If I have this much trouble letting children go home to loving families, can you imagine the mess I'd be if I had to send them back into dysfunctional and sometimes abusive homes? Kidnapping charges would be forthcoming. So we cannot foster. As I said, it's good to identify these things ahead of time.

I took the kids to see Santa and to play at Bass Pro Shop's Winter Wonderland. It's a traditional favorite for Kate and Ty. I forgot to bring the camera and was disappointed I couldn't capture all the wonder or smiles. As we pulled into the parking lot, Ty asked what he was supposed to say when Santa asked if he'd been good. I fought laughter before suggesting perhaps the honest answer of, "mostly good" would be appropriate. Ty was excited as we entered the store. He eagerly waited in line, waving and yelling enthusiastic hellos to the big guy in the red suit. Once we were the next family in line to approach Santa, Ty was still excited and I had the nerve to think this would be our first year with Ty willingly participating in a Santa photo. That was my mistake because half way down the red carpet, little man stopped walking and declared he already has a picture with Grady (the neighbor boy) and doesn't need one of Santa. So once again, Kate was photographed with Santa alone. She's a big fan.

After we moved away from Santa's chair, Ty happily waved good bye and told him we'd make him cookies again this year.

Tonight, I managed to pick up my camera for this moment. Redeeming. All tough days come to an end.