Ten Years

Ten years ago today we met. You were born in our hearts months before and we were head over heels in love with you. You changed our lives in ways so profound, I grasp to explain them. Because of you, I see the value in ALL life; each precious and perfect. You taught me that at a stage when women can decide to terminate pregnancy, people with souls, personalities and fingernails are thriving in the womb. You were feisty and determined. You were amazing and strong. We laugh to this day about how "in charge" you believed you were at a solid one pound two ounces; your personality being stronger than your frail yet perfect little body. Ryan Patrick, it was an honor to be your mother those nine days. As much as I dread this date on the calendar each year, I suspect you prefer we acknowledge the day we said good bye. December 29 being the day your suffering and pain ended. The day I was able to rock you to sleep that one and only time. It was a day I will never forget nor is it a day I wish anyone to experience. You looked into my soul that day; your intense blue eyes searching mine for the okay to let go. And letting you go was the most challenging thing I have ever done. Singing Jesus Loves You as we rocked, I said good bye. It was the most peaceful ending to a very painful existence. You were precious but hurting. I promised you happiness and full health in heaven. We talked about playgrounds without boo-boos and great grandparents who would be eagerly waiting to hold you in my place. Ryan, you were beautiful. Raising Ty has given me glimpses of just how much I've missed with you.  All those firsts, all the milestones, all the humor we've lost. I believe without doubt you would have meshed perfectly into our crazy world.

Each year we've celebrated your birth by either planting a small tree or a balloon launch. This year, Erin and Lauren felt compelled to note the significance of this milestone by launching permanent balloons. They are a beautiful reminder. We love you, miss you and celebrate you. Rest in Peace precious boy.