Faith

I remember the days I tackled chaos with peace and joy. I do. I recall people saying they noticed how strong we were in the face of grief. We felt God's presence in those days and I miss it. There have been too many losses, too many hits and so much pain. I'm tired in my bones and I miss peace. In church on Sunday, they were singing "thank you Lord for all of it" and my throat froze. I couldn't sing. I'm no longer grateful for the journey, the growth or the seemingly endless waves of it always being something or multiple somethings. I no longer thank God for the lot of it because I feel like I'm just waiting on the next shoe to drop. Not everything happens for a reason and whereas I always wrestled with God for Job of the Bible, I could usually see God redeeming the mess of my own life. However, I no longer can lean in and say, "it is good". So today, I'm grateful God's shoulders are big enough to bear the truth of my heart. I'm tired. And a plea? Can it, for a few moments, be quiet? Maybe? Because the constant prayer requests are embarrassing. I'm unable to speak them anymore. 

On Saturday, I picked up a few books and text this photo to my boss,"I'm going to need another week off." Plot twist. I worked all week.

He wanted to try coffee. He did not enjoy it. 

Kate passed her driving test today. Now, I'm supposed to ignore the fact all three of her sisters had car accidents in their teen years and allow her to actually drive. On the road. With other people around her. It's ridiculous. 

Last weekend we prepared for work and school with a bonfire including s'mores with friends, some routine maintenance around the house and a quick date to The Home Depot, of course. But we wrapped the week with cheeseburgers and fries at our local Chillburger as a couple too, so we're calling it a win.