Today

Kate at grocery store checkout: Mom, I can't believe we are buying 48 eggs today.
Me: I can't believe we'll be back this time next week to buy more. Excellent math skills by the way.

8:15 am call from Kenna says, "mom, I really don't feel well. I don't think I should get on the bus today. I may get sick.
Me: Kenna, I am certain you have allergy drainage upsetting your stomach. Grab some saltines and get to the bus stop.
Kenna: MOM!! I really don't feel well.
Me: Have a good day.

9:29 am call from the school: Mrs. Baughman, we have Makenna in the health office. She has thrown up at school. We need you to come get her.
Me: Seriously! I am so sorry! I assumed she had allergies. Does she have a fever?
School Nurse: low grade and she looks puny. We have a stomach bug going around the school.
Me: I am on my way
Kenna 15 minutes later: I told you.
Me: I am mom of the year

10am text from Lauren: can I go to a concert with a group of friends and then spend the night at Quentin's?
Me: are you new here?
Lauren: MOM!
Me: LAUREN!

1:30 pm text from Lauren: Can I go to the concert with the group and then stay at Sam's? (Sam is female)
Me: yes, but I need to talk to her mom first
Lauren: fine. (for the record, periods at the end of teen's texts mean they are irritated)