Ash Wednesday

The house was ignored and my people were hungry but the sun was shining so I held down my porch swing a few afternoons this week. My soul was heavy and needed the light besides, late dinner around dusty floors is better than no dinner at all, I convinced myself. 

As Ash Wednesday approached this week, I sat in moment after moment of ache and grief. This life, after all, is one that lives in the knowledge we are all in the process of dying, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. We just don't often sit in that awareness. We faced another biopsy, war broke out in unfathomable ways, a student was abused, and another lost in an accident. After six very long weeks and two painful biopsies, I am still waiting for concrete information. Facing a potential breast cancer diagnosis is anything but easy and waiting is brutal.  I have been researching how to support my family while they care for me. Is this helpful? Maybe. But seeking a husband's perspective of mastectomy helps me pass time; so much time. And then I return to the daily work of laundry, meal planning and homework assistance. It's the way I cope, plan and move forward because in this life, I only get to control my response and even then, barely. I know I am not alone in feeling like I've been in an endless Lent. The collective world is exhausted. 

Kate is ready to have her license and after the last few weeks of running her all over town, I think I may be ready as well. But while we wait on available appointments with the always busy DMV, she cruises the neighborhood with her brother, her trusty side-kick, as if gas isn't four dollars a gallon. Secretly, I love seeing them happy to spend time together no matter how expensive. 

They're growing much closer, these two and spend most every evening relaxing in one of their rooms together. The giggles last beyond bedtime but it's so worth it. 

The boy has a girlfriend. His first. She has a last name but he can't remember it. I asked how this came to be and it turns out, his friend emailed her during study hall and asked. Surprised, I asked if he has spoken to this young lady yet. Not recently but he plans to soon. So it's pretty serious. 

Both Kate and Ty have school dances this month and we are excited to see them experience something normal after all this time in pandemic mode. Ty wasn't planning to attend but found out a little too late that having a girlfriend indicates he will be going anyway. Middle school has so little amusement to offer so I'm enjoying this moment enough for both of us. 

A sweet friend from our exceptional learner's class made me an important list. "How to make the world a better place" is not exhaustive but I did in fact need the reminder of number seven. Kidnapping is wrong despite warranted circumstances.