Love and Loss

Austin handed Lauren a flashlight and picked up a toy hammer and said, "okay, now we are ready to go wake up Ty" 😳

Kate was identified as a close contact just before the wedding so we were missing her during the ceremony and reception. She was as upset as I was. And whereas I think the contact tracing in schools needs to be eliminated, once we knew about her possible exposure,  we couldn't risk being the ones taking it to a group of people. 

This poem was tied into the wedding ceremony and it struck me. Yes, the world is at least fifty percent terrible but we each have the choice to create joy.

My week was a brutal mix of gratitude for my family while grieving for my friend. We attended a wedding the day she lost her husband. I am frustrated by OSHA guidelines and CDC policies aimed at preventing the less than 2% likelihood of catastrophic consequences while simultaneously mourning one in that category. There is no normal and life is a precarious balance of living fully but safely. I don't even know what that means anymore. How does one in the company of a super happy three year old keep the tears at bay for boys without their father? And yet somehow, I mostly managed. And took some private time away when I no longer could. 

The weekend was a whirlwind of activity. We squeezed in a quick meal together Sunday evening before Noah went to work and the kids loaded the car for their middle of the night drive home. 

Lauren and Austin were asked to be in another wedding in June. I'm grateful for the ladies who grew up running in and out of my house. Their weddings are bringing my girl home periodically. I will always crave more. 

Thursday Kate accompanied me to Dayton to attend the memorial. The service once again reminded me we have a choice. We can wallow in sadness or we can be thankful for the gift of the time we had. I'm working on it. This, I'm afraid will be a lifelong journey because watching others grieve breaks my heart.