December

I have spent the last 220 days in the old testament in an attempt to read the entire Bible in a year. Ten out of ten do NOT recommend this practice during a pandemic. As it turns out, the book of Job is not the only book in which I wrestle with God. However, in reading this week I recognized a theme that felt particularly relevant today. I personally entered the yet another presidential election looking around in disbelief. Was this really the best we can do? For me it was like telling a child, "you have a choice, you can eat the Brussels sprouts or the liver." Technically we did have a choice but neither was palatable. I felt somewhat alone in my opinion when reading and listening to my strong friends on both sides of the debate so I kept silent. However, in reading this week, it occurred to me that each time God's people endured yet another King, their entire culture changed. They were permitted to only worship whomever and however the current king mandated. Their entire way of life was often impacted by the newest leader of their world. In context, our president is simply the mouthpiece (and what a colorful one at that) for a much larger system. So for my friends convinced the world is racist as well as my friends quickly securing their conceal carry permit, calm down. As far as upheavals go, we are relatively secure in our world and the negative implications will be minor in the larger scheme of things. 

That being said, we have learned to adapt and roll with multiple punches this year and I think focusing on what a terrible year it has been sells us short. It isn't without a significant amount of stress that we have navigated challenge after challenge all year and it has taken a toll, for sure but even my son who has overall lived his best life in 2020 claims this as "the worst year ever". As his mother, I poked back, inquiring as to how. It turns out, he repeats what he's heard. We aren't so different, the kids and grown-ups, as we all tend to repeat what we've heard. It's been pretty noisy in the negativity arena lately. I'm challenging my people to end 2020 listing the highs. Usually we would also acknowledge the lows, but as it turns out, they have had enough focus this year.

My mom called this week wanting to know what she could bring Christmas Eve and I laughed. I am still wrapping up the school semester by planning for both in person and virtual students in January. We likely won't know for sure what school will look like until after we close for two weeks. Christmas Eve, on the planning scale was weeks away. She was asking the lady who served meatloaf for Easter in 2020. Perhaps this is why she called?

Our decorating and celebrating have been simple and just enough to give a positive nod in the general direction of the season. We are tired but grateful for the sunshine that allowed lunchtime walks, porch swing sitting and open windows a bit this week. The recharge has been necessary, even with a perspective shift. Pollyanna, I likely won't ever be so balancing joy with grief, chaos with quiet reflection, honest conversation with holding my tongue (and navigating which is useful in the moment), and how to feed my soul while keeping all the proverbial balls in the air. Motherhood is a circus act.

We have had the honor of serving others dinner, hosted friends for relaxed visits and even slipped over to see our oldest on the day of her latest scan. It was a good week despite internally wrestling on behalf of others struggling in this season.