We Still Do

Twenty years ago we said, "I do". We were oh so young had no clue. Growing up together has worked for us; the old soul who requires order and structure with the relaxed, easy-going partner who simply loves but it hasn't always been easy. We quietly argue but quickly make up. We live without regrets, loyal to each other and the family in which we have been blessed. If I could turn back the clock and talk to that young bride before she made her commitment, I would have some advice since I now view weddings through the eyes of the parents rather than the bride. Age and experience are on my side.

A letter to my twenty year old self,

You are about to make a commitment unlike any decision you have ever made before. You are promising to love this man every day throughout eternity. Go ahead and consent to the name change. It's important to him. Stop stewing about letting go of your maiden name. You are being selfish. You will choose to love him despite his annoying habits, his dirty laundry (and girl, it will be dirty because he likes to work outside and his first job after the wedding will be with a plumbing company), his sense of humor that will sometimes miss the mark and how easily he will recline on Sunday afternoons despite your growing to-do lists. He will make you laugh until you cry almost daily. He will be seriously injured and it will terrify you to realize how easily you could lose him. He will love you deeply and passionately, even when you and your know-it-all attitude are anything but loving. He will cherish you but won't buy you flowers no matter how many times you write it on his list of things to do.

He likes what he likes and is hesitant to try new things, especially foods. Stick with the basics but encourage grilling as early as possible. That little hobby will be the gift that will keep giving! Embrace midnight omelets. For everything he is not in the romance department, the way to his heart is through his stomach. Besides, it's as close to breakfast in bed you will get. Some of the deepest conversations will take place over those omelets.

He likes to be praised. He loves to rub your back and read your writing but isn't the best listener. Try to be patient; after all, you too fail to listen as attentively as you should. As you grieve the loss of babies unborn or born too soon, he will first care for you and cope with his loss once you are standing again. You will grieve together but know that it will look differently for each of you and that is okay.

Set boundaries with your extended family early. In fact, elope. It is what you really want anyway. That wedding will not be about you so you shouldn't feel obligated to provide it. And then there will be holidays. Sister I can tell you this will be an on-going bone of contention. It is best to put your foot down early. Preserve that time. Don't spend it running all over creation because your kids should come first. And speaking of kids, don't invest too much stock in the effectiveness of birth control. It's a joke only God gets but I can assure you that you will love every one of His little surprises despite the plans you have made. Trust me, it will be good for you to learn sooner rather than later that you control very little in life as a whole so go with it. It all works out in the end.

Marriage isn't easy. It takes effort. You have likely heard a good marriage is a 50/50 compromise but I challenge that theory. Marriage takes 100% from each of you, all the time. There will be hard days when you don't like each other very much. There will be draining seasons of endless repairs, empty bank accounts and sick kids when the mere idea of loving one another is nauseating but trust me, it is more than worthwhile. God will use this marriage to grow you and mold you into woman He has called you to be. You are blessed to be loved by this man. Cherish him. He loves you more than he will ever express in words but you can rely on a daily love note in the way of a cup of tea as you peel your eyes open each morning. This man is your man. Keep him. Love him. Encourage him. Your marriage is worth every bit of the hard work.

And finally, don't take life too seriously. You have a best friend who loves you unconditionally. Celebrate the little things and cherish the life God's blessed you with.

Photo credit Makenna Baughman who only gagged three times during our mini photo session