So this is 40

I spent my day cleaning, chasing babies, running kids and nurturing my family. Makenna's choir concert wrapped up my evening. I am a regular party animal. In between spills and tantrums, my phone buzzed repeatedly with happy birthday texts and phone calls. Facebook flooded with well wishes too. I am pretty darn blessed.

As I approached my 40th year, I started thinking about who am I beyond a mom and wife. I am still seeking more fullness to that answer but I am comfortable in my skin, nurturing and life giving. Worrying about being accepted is no longer something I make much time to consider. Praise God for that growth as it was a long time coming. Of course, with that growth came the realization that there are people who no longer fit in my life. And that is okay as well. Relationships that tear down are best left unfed; people pleasing being a habit I needed to let go.

My relationship with Jesus is evolving. He still challenges me, pushes me and equips me to love deeper than I believe my heart alone is capable. There are times I ride the ebb and flow of life alongside Jesus well. Then there are seasons when I think we aren't communicating well. Those moments are unpleasant but appear necessary for my life's journey.

I have been married almost half my life and have lived with Greg longer than I lived with my parents. I look at Erin and wonder what we were thinking, but growing up together worked for us. He is the laid back partner in this marriage for sure but I am slowly letting go and enjoying life more than being busy. It's a process. I am pleased to be entering what I assume is the second half of my life determined to loosen up rather than dig my heels more deeply into patterns and routines. Make no mistake, I still thrive on routine but tend to linger more as I choose to embrace moments.

I find joy in simple pleasures. A good book, tea and dinner with a friend being among my most favorite ways to invest in me. As my dad so eloquently stated, my thirties are now dead. The forty year old me is comfortable and content.

Ty picked dandelions that have gone to seed for me today so I would have something to blow out even though he was rather irritated with me for having a birthday. He needs one to get his five and was convinced it was his turn again. If it weren't bittersweet to see my kids growing up so quickly, I would let him have mine from now on. I think forty suits me.