Gathering my sheep

So may baby wrapped up her junior year today. She is officially a senior in high school. How is that possible? Wasn't it just last week she was wearing her sparkly ruby slippers with all her "pretty cute" outfits and "precious" ensembles? Yes, Erin spoke like that as a toddler and it feels like it was just last week. I can still hear her little voice. And then I blinked.

Last night we lost Kate. Not one of our finer parenting moments but certainly one of the scariest. We assumed she went into her friend's house to play around 4:30 when I last saw her. When I noted she was no longer in the yard I thought to myself that I would have a talk with her about letting me know when she goes inside Mabry's house so I know where she is at all times.  An hour and a half later when I called her home for dinner, I was told she left with a friend when Mabry came home. My heart stopped. My mind raced and multiple horrendous thoughts passed through my mind in seconds. What "friend" would have taken Kate? I went screaming into her room praying to find her asleep and didn't. Greg called back to ask more questions as I ran around the house and yard screaming hysterically for her. Lauren and Makenna were running through the neighborhood banging on doors of possible "friends" and I found myself crying into our next door neighbor's sliding glass door begging them to have her. Everyone there came out to help search. All of about five minutes had passed when I was grabbing my phone to call 911 and something made me stop and think to call Erin who was babysitting in the neighborhood. She answered to her frantic mother pleading, "please tell me you have Kate!". She cautiously replied that she did. She had taken her to play with a friend after mentioning it to one of her sisters. Praise Jesus. I shook for a solid hour. We had a family discussion about communication. Exhale.

I can barely put one foot in front of the other right now. My awesome husband sent me to bed for a few hours this evening while he managed the running of kids so I could have more energy to take care of them tonight. My arthritis flares aren't passing as quickly as they used to. I pray the slower paced days of summer help me recuperate as I can't imagine going back on the medications I've successfully avoided for three years.  I suppose too many milestones with my kids mixed with some drama, the end of what feels like a marathon school year and a little added stress has worked together to create the perfect emotional cocktail.

I just finished working through James in my quiet time and started 1 Peter. Both books have really hit me where I've needed to be "hit". There is a song that has been playing on repeat in my head for a few weeks. I hear it often on the radio.The chorus says, "All I know is I'm not home yet. This is not where I belong. Take this world and give me Jesus. This is not where I belong." I'm grasping to keep hold of time but also crave the peace my future with Jesus promises. It's a period of growth and change for me. It isn't comfortable, but needed.