Week Thirty-three

I've spent some time analyzing why the self care movement never appealed to me. Perhaps it links back to my Church of God roots where I was  designed to be in constant service and idle hands were the work of Satan. Maybe further back when I learned as a child that needing anything wasn't acceptable to the budget or limited patience. Either way, the idea of an expensive beverage or having nails done always seemed frivolous so I couldn't relate. I still can't. But this week I stumbled upon a commentary discerning the difference between self comfort and self care. The distinction, for me, is imperative. Lattes and nail appointments are self comfort and can be indulgent but self care, as it should be explained, is health focused. For me, it's more veggies and less sugar. It's nightly yoga to assist in better sleep and less morning pain. It's taking the meds I resent needing and resting when the meds aren't enough. It's accepting naps aren't the work of the devil and in fact, required on the weekends if I'm going to remain fully present with the kiddos I get to support at work. I'm leaning in and listening better to the ways my health is changing and adapting where I can. That is self care and whereas the last year of health complications has thrown me for a loop, ignoring the pain has not served me well. And if I'm being honest, neither has my previous hard held escape of reading. Disassociating from my world isn't coping, it's hiding. And there is nothing quite like a good book to hide away into. Self care is more soul searching and journaling. Self comfort is escaping into a book. This weekend, I tackled both. Greg and I were gifted time in my friend's lake house. The peace and quiet were exactly what we needed to work through complicated emotions and circumstances. We took walks, ate healthy meals, napped on decks in gentle lake breezes and read books. Both self care and self comfort were tended to and we are both better for it. 

She met friends for a football game and had a great time. Eliminating the stress of school helps her see some of the good held in the high school community.

Sick days spent with Legos and puppy snuggles were so cozy, he debated how well he felt for school on Monday. This was a shock given how much he loves kindergarten.

I bought cherries at the grocery and we now have several seeds planted. He can't wait to have his own yard again with a garden "full of all the colors."

I was reading and then had a bit more company than I quite knew what to do with. He needed to make a restaurant for the animals trying to escape predators. We have no idea where he gets his ideas, but the recycling needed broken down anyway.

Austin was asking how someone's dog died. It was explained that he was really old and had gotten sick. Deadpan he looked me straight in the eye and asked how I was feeling. On the other hand, he had a significant meltdown over selling his Georgia house one afternoon and lamented the loss of his family since. I had to leave the room because I couldn't prevent the tears from flowing. Lauren is incredible with him as he expresses his pain. I'm blown away by his ability to name his feelings. But God, I wish I could fix this for him. 

Ty explained how disappointed he is when he comes downstairs and sees the crockpot. He knows at that moment that no matter how tired I may be after work, I'm not taking him to McDonald's instead of cooking dinner. He also surprised me with an unexpected written response to an article I assigned, a vacuumed room and chores completed without being asked. To his absolute delight, I felt his face for fever. I don't know exactly what this is, but I like it.