Weary

This season is one of hope despite all odds. Life is a mess. A complete mess. And yet, we push through and are audacious enough to hope for a future that is free from grief, pain and suffering. I suspect it's in heaven I will finally rest well. As it stands though, I firmly believe we manufacture chaos as our actual business plan around here.

Erin's health has once again spiraled. She has extensive testing next week where we will learn if she has another location requiring cancer removal. I'm reeling. She had a quick nine invincible months she used to conquer her world post-hysterectomy before we were left questioning. Who knows why God allows heartbreak? But the answer must be profound because He allows his heart to break too. This is the truth I lean on in the dark of the night as my mind spins and sleep evades. My eyes leak at inopportune moments and I quickly hide with my grief. No one can handle this right now; the year too brutal and life to fragile for everyone. Literally everyone. So where does this leave us? Completely depleted and broken open, I lean in hard. The thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices.

Another daughter called Greg asking for a Christmas gift idea for me and I laughed. One phone call revealed how little they know both of their parents. First, he has absolutely no earthly idea what I would want and second, gifts are not my favorite. I simply want time together. I recall when at the time five year old Kate asked what I wanted for Christmas and I quipped, "I want my kids to get along." She cautiously suggested I might want something they can wrap. Well, it took a decade but they do get along and I still don't need anything they can wrap.

It's week fifty and our Tell Me Something Good jar needs submission. I'm struggling and reaching deep. But there was a staff countdown to Christmas at school and the kids loved it. They struggled to take me very seriously at times so some accessories had to be temporarily eliminated. Kate also had spirit week and brushed off her dad's college jersey. She calls him her bestie and the banter between them is endless.

Our favorite kindergartener had a birthday today and we loved celebrating. Ty noted a few gorgeous sunrises this week and my fourth grade students have adorned my office with notes of appreciation. There is good to be noted after all.