Jonah

My bible study group wrapped up a study on Jonah last week. Most of us failed to relate to the content as we consider ourselves more seasoned Christians who wouldn't dare deliberately turn their back on a direct calling from God. Bless our hearts. Because in the same breath we were also comfortable stating we knew we wouldn't be called into the mission field in a third world country because those people certainly don't deserve the likes of us with all our entitled mess in their lives. Ahem.

However in church the last few months, we have been working our way through a journey called Chaztown, pronounced "cazone" which always somehow makes me think of calzones and then I am hungry. But I digress. In that experience we are taking deliberate and measured steps to discern God's plan for our lives. From the very first week, I have felt like God will be using painful experiences from our past to lead us into the future. My righteous anger for hurting children and the grace I feel lead to extend to those who have caused the pain out of their own trauma and drug use are going to be used someday. Again. As Greg and I have prayed and considered the implications of where we believe this is heading, the only thing holding us back is fear. We know when we work with kids in pain and their families in trauma, our hearts will be broken. So, like Jonah we aren't thrilled with the way this will complicate our fairly comfortable and definitely routine lives but unlike Jonah, we aren't running away. We are; however, taking our time and slowly starting to investigate the ways He may use us in the lives of others. We are just starting to share our prayer request for clarity and discernment with those closest to us as we haven't wanted to create a calling that may not be ours and quietly hoping it might go away, if I am being honest. We trust God's timing and plan despite our reservations.

But as we learned when we were adopting Ryan and when Benjamin came to live with us, God calls and we answer even when common sense says perhaps we shouldn't. If only there was a way to protect our hearts in the process. In each of those stories, we were able to show love in the life of boys who weren't able at the time to know it anywhere else. If we can be a soft place to land, even temporarily I know we should but my mom heart also knows how Ryan and Benjamin impacted our kids in both positive and negative ways. So we pray. And learn and pray some more. We all grew through those experiences and grieved too. Life is messy and like Jonah, sometimes it is easier to board a boat for distant lands than face all this life throws our way.