February

It was pretty until it wasn't. 

I made homemade dinner rolls for Soup Sunday. The scent of fresh baked bread throughout the house and then the delight of everyone oohing and ahhing over the texture made the two hour investment quite worthwhile.

Management handed out boxes for us to decorate and then exchange Valentines. It was a cute morale boost.

I spent January training my new counterpart at work and she thanked me with a sweet note, candle and gift card. I decided to use consumables in the decorative bowl around the candle and neither Greg nor Ty had any complaints about the Valentine "decor."

• I was able to thoroughly enjoy a few sixty degree days off in the sunshine this month. The energy and restoration of my spirit unmatched by any other source. It's amazing how much I respond to fresh air and sunlight. Greg and I walked, ran to Kate's to wish a cute little guy a happy birthday and also held down my porch swing for hours with books. I am beyond grateful for the days. 

• I've been thinking a lot about how I hold the tension of recognizing the pain of circumstances while also finding joy in micro interactions. I can both grieve for the world but also laugh with a patient. My boss recently acknowledged she was noticing the small things and thanking God for them too. A box of chocolate covered raisins from her daughter didn't diminish the cancer diagnosis in her family but it still made her smile. I call it chasing light. I hope I never lose the ability to do this. I've worked hard to become the person who still seeks joy when my world is falling apart around me. And it's pretty cool to see the art of noticing can also be contagious. I was encouraged by the conversation. 

• Twelve hours after taking this shot, I had a sore throat. Within hours, fatigue and chills followed. I went down hard. Urgent Care has nothing on elementary school. Germs are the only things kids share well. One would think my immune system could handle it. One would be wrong. I was knocked down for over a week with Flu A. But before the flu, I got to spend an afternoon with some rowdy third graders and my favorite teacher. She asked me to bring my camera for the yearbook. The kids were so much fun jumping in front of my lens with their buddies and silly poses. This little guy only wanted one picture though. He wanted it with Miss Baughman. I loved the energy and opportunity to hang out with a room full of kids again. 

• Greg felt a strong need to see his parents in my final days of flu recovery. I was no longer contagious but still wiped out so he took Ty for the road trip. They no sooner arrived than his mom fell and broke her hip. The dread as reality of the situation settled was a blow. Erin drove me to Dayton to pick up Ty and deliver an overnight bag to Greg. Hospital transport, surgery, rehab decisions and what to do with a confused dad created some long, hard days. Greg was grateful for the time to be there as a support but being up close and personal to the situation wasn't easy.  The heartbreaking journey of watching both Dale and Carol lose more and more of themselves to chaotic brains working overtime to just pull the name of a son has taken a toll. Greg called, "I do not want this in our future. There has to be another way." And oh how I wish. I so want there to be a peaceful, graceful goodbye in place of this confusion and fear. Carol has been far more aware as she quietly loses pieces but Dale has been lost in large chunks so quickly. Both are brutal. And to lose them both this way is anything but fair. 

I'm not on Facebook but apparently I was still posted on Norton's page. My manager sent me a screenshot.

• I was recognized at work for above and beyond care of our patients. I was pretty overwhelmed by the surprise award and kept saying, "this patient was the impressive one. I was just doing my job." But my manager nominated me because his letter was one of several comments from patients and her observations. I'm humbled by the recognition. 

Erin's office threw her a going away party and we are all impressed with these gorgeous cupcakes. She says they were also delicious.

• Erin celebrated her final day with the University of Louisville. She has been serving patients with HIV through the school of infectious disease for the last several years but it was time to change roles. She will be running a clinic that manages disability claims for Veterans. She will miss so many of her patients but I suspect she will soon be smiling about some new ones too. 

• My friend Karen and her mom flew into town for a family wedding this final February weekend. I got to host them and Anne for dinner the last Friday of the month. It was delightful to laugh and talk and compare parenting notes together. I'm grateful for the time spent.