Summer Break Week 2

When Theresa and I were little, my mom's friend, Karan babysat us for a long weekend. Theresa and I both have nothing but fond memories of that weekend (or others like it) as Karan is one of those women whose laugh is contagious with a quick sense of humor to match. There was a drive thru moment ingrained in my memory because we laughed so hard but it wasn't until my adult years I recognized what had actually happened. We were picking up tacos at Taco Cabana in SanAntonio when the clerk, looking at our beautiful friend of color and two straggly white kids asked, "these your girls?" Karan, without missing a beat replied, "yes. They have my eyes." Theresa and I howled. However, as an adult who has always had a carload of extra kids with her, I have never once been asked if they were mine unless I had so many and then the question has been, "are they ALL yours?" I missed the nuances then and still fail to see them all now as the blatant is so obvious and painful. I am wrestling with how to use my voice. As a white mother who has never had to caution her son against wearing his hood over his head so he doesn't look suspicious and has never had to teach my children how to manage being pulled over by police, I come from a place of privilege and am likely to get this wrong. I see so many of my white brothers and sisters lamenting the injustice and I am cautious because so many of the posts are intended to make US feel better, not make a difference for the black lives in need of more than platitudes. Our church hosted a prayer service in the parking lot this weekend and I knew immediately we missed the mark. Standing in a crowd of white, like minded Christians to pray over the nation is something we do for ourselves. Humbling and silencing ourselves and joining our brothers and sisters of color in their church parking lot to pray and listen would have been better. I am listening to voices that sound nothing like mine, leaning into the discomfort and praying I learn how to appropriately speak up because I see the injustice and my heart is broken.

As is always the case, life tastes bitter and sweet simultaneously. The trick, it seems is noting both and appreciating the value of each.

Saturday morning was lazy and peaceful. We snuggled before I walked with my neighbor and then we had breakfast together before celebrating Anna's eighth birthday that afternoon. The gorgeous day allowed for the siding to be repaired by Noah, with Greg's supervision, as only Noah has arms long enough to reach from the roof. We decided we were even after all the proteins that boy raids from our fridge after we go to bed at night.

Sunday, we again lounged around together enjoying a gorgeous day. Erin and Tim joined us for dinner before Kate returned to youth group, the only group meeting at our church so far. While she was at church, I walked with friends in a nearby neighborhood and made the most of a beautiful evening.

Monday, Kate met with her orthodontist for a bracket. The chain now has a permanent place to stay attached and sister is happy to be eating real food again. We were pleased the doctor was so receptive to a panicked call from us on a Sunday morning when the stitch in the gum line fell out. He had us meet him in his Louisville office before normal operating ours to painlessly repair the situation. We think she is in good hands.

She was clearly feeling better and also bored Monday afternoon, so she played in makeup and entertained herself beautifully.

Tuesday we returned to Deam Lake for water play as a way to combat the heat and sun. It has grown in popularity since last week and was significantly more crowded but still a great group. The beach was so full, friends from church were there the same time we were and we didn't see them. Given the reluctance of pools in the area to open, I suspect the lake will remain busy all summer.

For the record, Anne was shielding her eyes from the sun so she could see Ty's video. She wasn't hiding from the camera. All my kids know they can count on Anne and Ty appreciated the audience as he shared his videos.

Anne invited us over to swim Wednesday afternoon and we all enjoyed ourselves. Anne and I were both reminiscing as we listened to our kids laughing and splashing together. It took almost nothing to take us both back to their preschool years when they were first becoming friends. Time flies.

The dog has days she refuses to eat so Kate patiently hand feeds her to entice her. Layla is spoiled.

Makenna spoils her. A new collar and toy arrived this week. Layla destroyed the toy within minutes. Of course she did.

"Look at this awesome new water bowl Kenna got me!" Layla

If I could stop holding stress in my neck and shoulders, I would be a new person. It's been decades and I have yet to figure out how to truly let things go; stewing so ineffective yet my go-to strategy none the less. Fortunately I have become friends with my massage therapist over the years so when tears started flowing during a session Wednesday, she didn't react but I was embarrassed. She was working out tension and I was surprised by the release. I needed it more than I realized and it left me exhausted, tired into my bones. The weight of a daughter's latest biopsy, the turmoil in the world and the uncertainty of it all had me stuffing emotions until it spilled over. Leaky eyes are normal these days.

Ty woke with a cold sore this week. This is normal for him and yet he always seems taken aback to discover them. He was rather dramatic this round, insisting he was unable to eat and moaning loudly, for the entire house to hear. My empathy lasted approximately three minutes before I pointed out all Kate had endured in the last week alone without complaint. He failed to grasp my meaning. I am sure there is a relevant analogy in all of this about not recognizing the pain in others because we are too absorbed in our own world, but all I was left thinking was that my future daughter-in-law is going to hate me even though I have tried. I truly have.

We used to think Layla was the one eating my lemongrass. She has help.

Thursday Erin stayed with us for biopsy recovery and Ada resumed her role as queen of the house.

Lauren sent an update on some sweet faces at her house. We miss that boy and look forward to meeting Remi in the coming months. They appear far more innocent than they are but oh my goodness, they are so cute.