Mothering

I have been processing something lately that has challenged me. I will share in good time but for now, the journey has led me to appreciate the simple ways I am privileged to mother. I am not disillusioned enough to call it glamorous or even fun at times but I do respect that what I do moment by moment has eternal consequences and rewards. As I blow dry Kate's hair or snuggle with Ty the ten minutes he smells sweet after his bath are moments I inhale and capture with the camera in my mind. I don't want to lose those snapshots. God has called me to love these kids and to ultimately lead them to Him. The bonus is that I get to enjoy them too. In keeping it real, there were a few mouthy moments with a teen this week I considered sending a few of them off to live on a farm with abandoned animals but it was just a fleeting thought, not something in which I could actually follow through. God uses my kids to reveal His love of me. He uses relationships to grow me. I am blessed; exhausted and weepy too. But blessed.

I am praying through this season. Someone from our past has surfaced and our communication is frequent, raw and real. I am learning a lot about my ability to love unconditionally and and it's pushing me in uncomfortable ways. Not only am I coping with my emotions that range from joy to grief but I have found myself in the position of setting the tone for the rest of my family's reactions. The load is heavier than it should be. I want the freedom to celebrate and cry, even if that happens simultaneously. For now, I am processing quietly and am allowing God to work on my heart. I pray I am handling this with the grace He first bestowed upon me.

 Being a mom is a gift. I am blessed.