Tooth Fairy Visits

Ty has been anxiously awaiting a visit from the tooth fairy for about a year now. Given his opposition to ever having his fingers in his mouth because he is deathly afraid of germs and how turned off by blood he can be, we were bracing ourselves for a drawn out and dramatic experience. He surprised us. Once the dentist assured him it was okay to wriggle teeth, he set to get the first of two loose teeth out of his mouth. Ty lost his first tooth tonight and was so excited to share the news, he had Erin on the phone after just one rinse of his mouth. After a very lengthy and detailed conversation with Erin (the only family member who appreciates the gory details), he called Lauren and Taylor too. He knows who will join in celebrating milestones alongside him even if they aren't actually present.

He woke in a salty mood today and wanted nothing to do with school preparations this morning. He literally sat in front of the cereal cabinet for a solid five minutes with a blanket on his head, hiding from the world. The drive to school was silent which is rare given how talkative Ty is usually. However, when I pulled up to the school, he spotted his best friend and barely allowed me come to a complete stop before he flew out of the van and ran up to catch her. I was a little amused, to say the least. We hear an awful lot about that particular little girl.

And then this afternoon we saw these two pictures in his backpack. Each is from a different girl in his class. Ironically, he also had a progress report from school stating he is distracted. I can't help but wonder if perhaps things might be related.
 

Hump Day

My alarm rings at 6:15 every weekday. This morning by 6:45 I was more than ready to go back to bed. This day was shot and I had already displayed a less than desirable side of myself. The dogs came in from a mere ten minutes outside smelling of something dead, really really dead. The odor was so intense, I cried out, "oh holy hell" more dramatically than my son has ever heard me react to anything. He was holding his blanket over his nose until he decided the blanket must smell badly too and put it in the wash. Greg came home a few minutes later to me still panicking about the road kill aroma filling my house and grabbed his flashlight to find the poor critter the dogs recently discovered. Too bad for our neighbors who aren't usually up at 6:30 in the morning because their dogs were not happy about Greg walking around with a flashlight in the dark and set out to put a stop to it. I let our dogs out to lead Greg to their "friend" and they eagerly rolled in an area on the side of the house. No remains were located. I am ill thinking about how that's going to end for our dumb dogs. Lord help me. I refused to let them back inside as all my babysitting families were arriving to an energy none of them are used to seeing first thing in the morning and an odor none of them will soon forget despite all efforts to do just that. Greg gave the dogs sponge baths because it is way too cold to use a hose and there was no way I was allowing them back inside until they were clean. He brushed their teeth and Norwex cloths were used in hope of absorbing the remaining odor. The dogs weren't any happier with me than I was with them. Around ten, Lauren called and as I shared the story, she started laughing and the more she laughed, the harder I laughed. It took a while for me to see the humor in this one but once I did, I literally had tears running down my face as I recalled the look on Ty's as I screamed a profanity I honestly don't think I have ever used before. This morning was not my finest hour but we all survived.

Later in the day I asked four year old Anna if she could go talk to her one year old sister who had woken up while I fed five month old Deacon. Anna hesitated. She questioned if we really had to let Ava get out of bed today. Anna thought it would be best for everyone involved if I just kept Ava confined. I asked Anna if she would like to stay in bed even if she was awake all day. That girl looked me dead in the eye and asked, "would Ava be there?" I died laughing.

The moment you realize you have continued buying snacks for that kid who always raided the chips and salsa despite the fact she moved away.

We allowed Kate to join my parents on a trip to Texas to see Lauren this week. First, I cannot tell you how much I miss the extra set of hands she provides and second, I am so jealous. I sent her with enough school work to cover the week she is missing in lessons with me. Rumor has it she had some complaints about me ruining what was supposed to be her vacation. She is starting to sound a little more like the rest of her sisters these days! Overall though, she is still pretty sweet.

Sometimes I think Anna might be on to something. Keeping this one confined would eliminate a lot of stress for a lot of people. There is a reason she is pretty.

Makenna was called into the office last week and asked if she was hacking the school wifi system. She smartly answered, "no but do you think I would tell you if I did?" Awesome. And if that weren't enough, she also told them they should have hired the kid they expelled two years ago who could effectively override the school's system because he was smarter than the techs they currently use. Those techs happened to be present for her unsolicited advice. Lord help me. By the way, she hasn't hacked anything. There was a glitch on her phone. But some days I really do wonder where it all went wrong.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

We went to Lexington this past weekend to watch my nephew play basketball in a tournament. Ty now needs Nike shoes and wants to play too.

The bathroom has been repainted and is now the same neutral color I have throughout the rest of the house. And the flowers survived for three weeks, making me very happy. 

Page one of five in Ty's first journal of first grade. It came home this week and made me cry.

Just Another Day in Paradise

Lauren called Sunday morning to tell on Taylor for pulling her fingers. She did this because I threatened him with bodily harm if I caught him grabbing her fingers again after he dislocated one last year. He quickly took the phone and whined, "but Mom! She was poking me!" and I cracked up. They are adulting.

Erin sent us word Jake stated Moe's was better than Qdoba. She hates to tell us but this means he most likely isn't "the one". She is emailing the CEO of Tinder about their neglect in not including that particular question in their screening process.

Ty gave Makenna some driving advice because he is obviously an expert on the subject. "All you have to do is ride the brake down hills and watch for cars. It is just like riding a scooter."

Saturday night Kate called Greg a Butt. Name calling hasn't been Kate's style but we were bound to ruin her at some point. Anyway, Greg quickly responded by declaring that would make her a turd. Makenna burst out laughing and told her father he says one funny thing every couple of weeks so he should just be quiet for awhile.

I tried people. I really tried. I raised these children in church, with wholesome television and homemade food. I banned Sponge Bob and chef boy r dee. I checked all the good parenting boxes and yet I spend an awful lot of time wondering where it all went wrong.

Still here

Santa gave her stilts. And it still freaks me out a bit when she walks up behind me, much taller than she should be.  She has great balance, roams all over the house and rumor has it she wants to start learning how to do tricks with them. And to that news, I have a gentle reminder. Our deductible reset on the first. Please be careful because Makenna has now surpassed all I would ever like to spend on orthopedic care. Thank you very much.

There was an incident recently involving an open and very full bottle of black nail polish. I was able to remove it from the counter, floor and toilet; however, the wall and baseboard needs to be painted. This is not a project I anticipated. In fact, the master bathroom was the one we hoped to tackle in the near future. Sigh. So we are trying to decide if we will get a similar if not the same color or take the opportunity to try something new. In all honesty, I just am not feeling very inspired right now and the fact we know there is some minor dry wall damage above the shower means this little painting project will be anything but little. Isn't this typically the case?

Lauren and Taylor had an interesting move. They encountered several glitches along the way including multiple delays in getting Taylor out of his dorm and into their house with Lauren. She was not happy but is getting more settled. I suspect it will still be awhile before they see humor in all they have overcome in just a few short weeks. They have learned a lot and someday I hope they can laugh about it.

January and February are typically difficult months for me because I require a lot of sunshine and fresh air. This year we have added the sudden loss of the kid's friend, a breast cancer diagnosis for a friend of Erin's and the New Year's terminal diagnosis of my close friend to exaggerate those feelings. I have started another gratitude journal inspired by One Thousand Gifts in hopes of focusing on life more positively.  I meet weekly with my bible study partner and try to maintain my workouts but I am not going to lie, I have felt pretty low a lot of the time. This has not been an easy couple of weeks.

Makenna's recovery has gone smoothly; much better than we anticipated. She walks around the house without her crutches already, can now shower alone (she won't miss that particular level of bonding) and is managing her days at school so well, she often spends time with friends afterward. We anticipate an excellent report from the surgeon later this week. Layla missed Makenna sleeping with her for a solid week and made sure we all knew it with her constant whining and pacing. Peace has been restored now that Makenna can navigate the stairs.

We had the opportunity to play in an elementary school gymnasium because we are friends with the teacher and he knows my son well. Burning energy on cold, rainy days is always a good option.

We wore EVERYONE out. Afterward, Makenna and I purchased her prom dress and I once again wondered how junior prom is even a remote possibility  already.

Stress Managed

When the going gets tough, the tough redecorates. The reality it has only been a week since Christmas hit me last night. A lot of life has taken place these last seven days. I am ready to start fresh with a new organized color coded calendar. (Makenna has been watching Friends on Netflix this last week and now calls me Monica as often as she refers to me as Sheryl. At least Monica suits me.) Now if everyone who loves me could just adhere to the plan, that would be great. I wish 2017 to be restful and maybe even boring. For real.

As the craziness of 2016 unfolded, I craved a retreat space for us to escape the madness. We went to Home Depot before December kidnapped my husband and bought a large framed mirror I had two possible plans for. It has been waiting in the garage for me to get some time to start moving furniture. I started on Friday night and cannot believe how much space the change created. And the overall feeling of the bedroom is inviting. Both Greg and I are pleased. But the biggest change was the addition of a smart TV so we could arrange furniture the way I wanted as opposed to the way the cable hookups demanded.

Greg and I had been discussing updating our bedroom for several weeks. It is a space that hasn't been on the receiving end of our attention like the rest of the house and serves more of a catch-all. I kept sentimental pieces and mix matched furniture in there, falsely believing it was a good place to do that since we are the only ones who see it. So I impulsively spent some money on Saturday afternoon.

I shopped online quite a bit and couldn't believe the price I found on this model at Best Buy. In fact, when I stopped in to look at it, the salesman was convinced I had the price wrong.  When I pulled it up on my phone, his eyes got big and he flagged down another associate. Not only did I leave with a new TV but so did the couple next to me and I suspect the salesman did too. It was Christmas money well spent. In fact, it is most likely the only part of the room change that Greg cares about.

The furniture was from my childhood and is still in great shape but the boxy mirror with shelves was dating it quite a bit. I was ready to let that part go. Now I am deciding if I am painting the dressers. I haven't committed to a decision either way because as I already mentioned, this past week was one of the longest in the history of weeks. I am tired.

We would like a small seating area at the bottom of the bed and need to replace the flooring but our budget took significant hits in 2016 and the TV was the extent of splurging we could do in this moment.

In the meantime, the space is welcoming and the project served me well. I stayed pretty busy the night I said goodbye to Lauren. Greg says he is glad I didn't marry a blind man because I move large things when I am dealing with stress. He makes a good point.

And they are off......

This may or may not be a surprise but Lauren's high school years were a bit, shall we say turbulent? Ahem. Life was never dull and what I wouldn't have given to hear her agree with us on anything; literally anything. For whatever reason during those colorful years, she would declare randomly, "Just wait. As soon as I graduate, I am moving to Texas." To this day, neither of us know why she chose Texas as her go to location but isn't it funny how life works out?

The adolescent years weren't pretty and there were many tearful seasons but our relationship evolved into friendship the last few years. Sending her to Texas and then onto whatever the future holds for her and Taylor isn't easy. I am excited for her but I feel undone and watching her say goodbye to her siblings was brutal.

Taylor flew home last Friday evening to spend Christmas with family and then move Lauren to Texas with him. It was shaping up to be an emotional week of letting go for the couple when the sudden loss of a friend to a car accident on Tuesday threw us all for a loop. "Big Amy" as the kids called Brandon was in the wedding as a close friend of Taylor's.  He was a gentle giant who was well liked by everyone. He was pretty special. The kids are devastated and emotionally wrecked. So while Taylor was asked to serve as a pall bearer, he will be unable to attend as result of his commitment to be back on Goodfellow AFB the day of the funeral. He and Lauren left heartbroken this morning.

Despite how conflicted they felt about leaving, they are off. Their future together awaits......

Christmas Eve

The downfall to celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve is having an excited seven year old two nights in a row unable to fall asleep; the anticipation is too great. So I have all this sweet time to edit photos and relive the highlights from a full and joyful day.

Taylor flew in last night and requested breakfast today. I had already planned the traditional steak and crab dinner so adding breakfast just meant I got more time with the kids than I thought I would given how many different celebrations Taylor is committed to attending every Christmas.

Breakfast was loud with laughter, stories and the banter that never missed a beat despite his four months away. And then we started opening packages and the volume increased as did the excitement. It was a different celebration for us with the addition of both Taylor and Jake but they both fit in comfortably. We hadn't yet finished our gift exchange when my parents arrived with their own contributions. Everyone was spoiled. However, both Lauren and Erin had strong objections to taking their stockings home with them today. They are now considered adults in our home and neither one is happy about it.

My dad insists Makenna needs a bell to order room service and command her mother's attention after surgery. So a new bell was gifted to her. Grandpa is trouble.

My sister and her family arrived early this afternoon so we were blessed to host fifteen for dinner! It was perfect. I spent a few minutes taking it all in as everyone made their plates and exchanged stories. I won't have this group together again for awhile since Lauren and Taylor leave next week.

This afternoon, Kate and Ty sprinkled reindeer food on the lawn and Layla promptly digested as much as she could locate. Ty was pretty worried given the amount of flying powder he used in his jar. A flying Layla would not be welcomed.

Tonight the traditional version of the Night Before Christmas I have been reading with my kids since 1996 was read before Ty selected some treats for Santa. Bedtime is taking some time despite how tired we know Ty is because he can't wait to see what Santa has decided to bring him this year.

Our Christmas Day will be quiet but spent preparing our home for Makenna's surgery Monday morning. It is the calm I will require to make it through this coming week. And of course this means the Christmas tree and all other decorations will be tucked away in the attic before I rest. This is how I choose to spend my Christmas Day every year while the kids enjoy their new toys. 

Ryan

I have wrestled a bit with the reality you would be turning thirteen today; a teenager. How is that possible? I wonder what conversations we could be having and if you would be athletic, creative, analytical, silly. Would you be confident or timid? I suppose on one hand you are the lucky one who gets to miss all the angst of hormones, middle school and broken hearts but I still wish I could love you through it all.

When we first lost you, I lost myself for a long time. The brokenness I felt impacted so much of my daily life, how I interacted with others and who I allowed to get close. I wasn't me. There were times the pain was so strong I had to remind myself to breathe and then got angry because I did. I thank God for the little girls who needed their mother because without them to continue mothering, I honestly don't know how I would have moved past those initial months of grief.

As the days turned to months and the months into years, I started to find my footing but I still harbored anger toward your birth mother. I couldn't bring myself to look her in the eye and forgive her even though I knew how desperately she needed authentic forgiveness. Frankly, I needed that release as well. It took me way too long to feel as though I could exonerate her from the hold I had. I will carry the burden of that for as long as it takes her to accept the grace she has always deserved.

You would be so proud of her. She is the mother she always wanted to be. She has a beautiful family she gets to serve and love every day. She is joyful and has defeated the addiction that held her hostage for so many years. But as I have navigated finding a balance between remembering you and moving forward, I have stumbled. I still can't tolerate people who lie about kids and draw very strong boundary lines when I know they have. God has some more work to do on me in this area.

There are brief moments now that I surprise myself by how I can remember something you did with a smile rather than tears. A friend of Makenna's had a baby this summer at the same gestation you were born. I held my breath for days praying that sweet momma wouldn't be saying goodbye to her precious little girl. As the photos and milestone updates flowed, I remembered with less pain than those hospital images used to invoke. I am proud of me. Moving forward without guilt isn't easy. I will never forget you and there will still be moments my breath catches or tears fill my eyes but I am okay and your birth mom is too.

I hope birthdays in heaven are joyful and you know God has worked on my broken heart these past thirteen years in such a way as to hopefully allow His light to shine through it. I love you Ryan Patrick. I always will. Happy thirteenth birthday sweet boy.