December to Remember

Oh December, you are a month full of so many bittersweet memories. I choose to focus on joy but those breath catching moments surprise me every now and then anyway. As I turned the calendar to your page last week, I froze. Here it is. December. Greg will work eighty hours a week, the kids' energy will remain at mach ten in anticipation of Christmas and there will be insanely long to do lists. The days will turn cold and gray. This is the month we celebrate Ryan's short life and this year we will add sending Lauren off to start a journey away from us. We decided to toss in surgery for Makenna for good measure too. Why not?

But as we unpacked Christmas decorations, Brutus resumed his spot on Santa's lap, as he has done for the last twelve years. The kids recalled making ornaments and special memories of previous Christmases were shared. They collected the books for snuggling by the light of the Christmas tree and for a brief moment, our home felt full of all the things that make life perfect.

I cannot change the past, the current demands on Greg's time or the energy level of the kids but I can make the most of the time I get to spend with my family. I have changed the to do lists a bit. There will be Christmas light scavenger hunts with hot cocoa, baking for friends and lots of Christmas books read. We will go to bed early often and have dance parties. I have meals with friends planned and Christmas movies too. Family games have been featured on the dining table since Thanksgiving and the daily impromptu Uno or Racko battles insure they will remain for the season.

December won't be perfect. No month is. But I will be making the most of it so that when we pull out memories from this Christmas next year, my heart won't be quite so heavy.