Sunday, December 20, 2015


How has it been twelve years? Each birthday I stumble through what it is I am supposed to do to honor Ryan on this date. It is his day and I want it to be special. I suppose if he were here with us, we'd also struggle through how to celebrate around the insanity of this season.

Ty has come to understand he has a brother in heaven. He writes "Ryan" and "my brother" all over his papers and drawings which tends to catch me off guard. It stings as I also wish Ty had a big brother to toss a ball and wrestle with in the yard. So in balancing the peace we've had about Ryan's short life with the reality of that loss, we try to focus on celebrating rather than mourning. Some years are harder than others as time heals a lot of wounds but the scars remain.

The years I weep through the days leading up to his birthday are almost harder than the birthdays the date itself kicks me in the gut. It's been an emotional month and I am somewhat relieved the day has finally arrived.

I ache to hold him in my arms again someday. 


TeamWilmore said...

The pictures are perfect, just as you are. The love all of you have for him and the way in which you each express that love is such an honor to that sweet angel. I love you, my dear friend.

A Mom to Two Lil' Ones said...

You were on my heart all day yesterday, and in my prayers. That sweet boy could not have a more amazing mom, the love you poured into him during his life here on earth and the way you continue to honor him and love him is beautiful. I love you my dear friend, and hold you in my prayers.