Christmas 2015

Silent Night by candle light gets me every time. I start off singing along and before I know it, I have a lump in my throat and and a tear in my eye, unable to continue singing. No matter how much I loathe the season as a whole because of the chaos, that song grounds me. And this year, it was Kate's pure innocent voice that kept singing when I no longer could that did me in. In that precious moment, Christmas arrived. It arrived in it's purest form and I was finally at peace.

Tea parties with Grandma are fun

A pet turtle (battery operated) for a ninja turtle. He named him Tyler.

Christmas is exhausting

Awkward Family Photos

We are so weird.

Togetherness

At the Galt House Kaleidoscope tonight, several kids were writing wish lists to Santa. This is what my children wrote and rather than mail the letters from the hotel, they brought them home to place in Layla's stocking. They have reason to be concerned. 

 

Before

After

Twelve

How has it been twelve years? Each birthday I stumble through what it is I am supposed to do to honor Ryan on this date. It is his day and I want it to be special. I suppose if he were here with us, we'd also struggle through how to celebrate around the insanity of this season.

Ty has come to understand he has a brother in heaven. He writes "Ryan" and "my brother" all over his papers and drawings which tends to catch me off guard. It stings as I also wish Ty had a big brother to toss a ball and wrestle with in the yard. So in balancing the peace we've had about Ryan's short life with the reality of that loss, we try to focus on celebrating rather than mourning. Some years are harder than others as time heals a lot of wounds but the scars remain.

The years I weep through the days leading up to his birthday are almost harder than the birthdays the date itself kicks me in the gut. It's been an emotional month and I am somewhat relieved the day has finally arrived.

I ache to hold him in my arms again someday. 

Christmas Lights

Once Greg started his twelve day run of fourteen hour work shifts, I knew we needed some distractions for those of us who miss him most. We elected to take on several local light exhibits with friends and once again tackled a scavenger hunt. Sweet treats were enjoyed during our outings while Christmas music played on the radio or was belted by failed memories. We created some interesting lyrics and fun memories. Here are some highlights.