A certain little five year old has been a real little stinker lately.....love her but wow, has she been wound! Yesterday I caught her hanging on her little brother as he protested. I firmly said her name and she flopped to the other side of the room as though she weren't guilty of anything and asked me if I saw her. "Um, yes I did but that doesn't matter. You have to be honest whether you think I saw you or not". At this very moment, fingers entered her ears and she grinned at me. Ahem....let's just say that she isn't enjoying the loss of privileges today.
As usual, when I am frustrated by the behavior of one of my children, God speaks to my heart and its condition. Saturday night's service was amazing, not so much the specific message (that was also good) but the worship and the way I felt God really talking to me about my attitude. I've been searching for the peace I've not felt for awhile. It was finally clear to me that I can easily depend on God, trust God and have faith when I am fighting external elements. It's my PRIDE that hangs me up. I want to be right rather than grow. I want to be in charge. I like things MY way. I love God loving me and I am learning how to love Him the way he deserves. I have treated him like an earthly father that loves me and catches me when I fall, even if consequences are imposed. I know I am loved and I love back but not the way my Lord deserves. The internal conflicts are the ones I allow to weigh me down. I easily want God to carry me through the valley's of life but want to maintain control when things are smoother. Just acknowledging this sin in my life was a weight lifted on Saturday and now, the journey continues.....I have my fingers out of my ears today.