Ten Years

Ten years ago today we met. You were born in our hearts months before and we were head over heels in love with you. You changed our lives in ways so profound, I grasp to explain them. Because of you, I see the value in ALL life; each precious and perfect. You taught me that at a stage when women can decide to terminate pregnancy, people with souls, personalities and fingernails are thriving in the womb. You were feisty and determined. You were amazing and strong. We laugh to this day about how "in charge" you believed you were at a solid one pound two ounces; your personality being stronger than your frail yet perfect little body. Ryan Patrick, it was an honor to be your mother those nine days. As much as I dread this date on the calendar each year, I suspect you prefer we acknowledge the day we said good bye. December 29 being the day your suffering and pain ended. The day I was able to rock you to sleep that one and only time. It was a day I will never forget nor is it a day I wish anyone to experience. You looked into my soul that day; your intense blue eyes searching mine for the okay to let go. And letting you go was the most challenging thing I have ever done. Singing Jesus Loves You as we rocked, I said good bye. It was the most peaceful ending to a very painful existence. You were precious but hurting. I promised you happiness and full health in heaven. We talked about playgrounds without boo-boos and great grandparents who would be eagerly waiting to hold you in my place. Ryan, you were beautiful. Raising Ty has given me glimpses of just how much I've missed with you.  All those firsts, all the milestones, all the humor we've lost. I believe without doubt you would have meshed perfectly into our crazy world.

Each year we've celebrated your birth by either planting a small tree or a balloon launch. This year, Erin and Lauren felt compelled to note the significance of this milestone by launching permanent balloons. They are a beautiful reminder. We love you, miss you and celebrate you. Rest in Peace precious boy.

A little Christmas fun

 Jennifer and I took the kids to see the Galt House Kaleidoscope event tonight. We all enjoyed it. I honestly recommend the hotel's Christmas decorations more than the paid exhibit but I am glad we went.

Kate and Shelby presume they are on the nice list. Ty plead the fifth.

Kate and Shelby made a green screen video. They had a blast.

His Imagination

My son braved Meijer with me on Monday. Brycen and Kate were also along for the adventure. My first clue this wasn't going to be the most delightful experience of my day was upon our entrance to the store where I discovered the bench seat carts that safely confine all my children were not available. From there, things were a little crazy. Ty misses nothing. Nothing. He fell in love with Monsters University a few weeks ago. He hasn't watched the movie in quite some time; however, he still practices his scare techniques constantly. Unbeknownst to me, he discovered another scene in the movie he appreciates. He practiced it no less than four dozen times in the aisles of the grocery store. Did I mention the store was exceptionally crowded on Monday? When I recovered from said shopping experience and had served dinner, I demonstrated our son's specific movements for Greg who laughed at me for good measure before letting me know exactly what Ty was doing. He was using an imaginary lasso. I don't even remember that scene! He was lassoing (is that a real term?) strangers in Meijer. He wears me out. By the way, he would like "sharp hands" for Christmas so he can be really scary.

Our little reenactment lacked much of the enthusiasm demonstrated Monday. Trust me when I say he held up traffic multiple times. By the way, my next grocery trip will be a solo act. It was a promise I had to make to other patrons. At least it wasn't a vow made to security, although, I am certain that day is imminent. We may have to become Walmart shoppers.

Saying Goodbye

Today was our last day watching this happy little guy.

He will be missed.

This is how we feel about it.

Awesome Weekend

It was a great weekend full of family and friends. We attended a family movie night at church, drove to see a local light exhibit, celebrated the birth of a new baby, enjoyed warm pots of soup, baked, rested, played and spent an evening with Colby and his fun family.

No one here was ready to see the weekend wrap up. We squeezed in as much fun as possible. It was good. Really good.

Tis the season

After dinner tonight we put up the Christmas tree. Kate was in her glory. Ty was in the way. Teenagers were complaining. Ty put multiple ornaments on each branch. I promised I would lose it if one more person yelled at him and then I did. Lights were thrown away and some rewired. Greg grumbled about being in and out of the attic. The house is a mess and the star leans. It is done. Forced family fun. And to those I told I would try to leave the tree up until New Year's? I lied. But this photo? It's pretty sweet.

Random tidbits

• Lauren earned her driver's license last Friday. I love the freedom this affords me. I mean her. Nope, I really mean me. I no longer have to navigate her school, work, internship and social schedules around four extra little ones and my other children. My van will return to it's rightful parking space in the garage where it should only leave once a week for church and two times a week for groceries. I love Lauren's new license. She's still getting some laughs about the Venture. Even the man accessing her driving skills giggled about her awesome ride. She's handling it with grace. It is freedom after all.

• A little known secret is that as soon as we pulled into Greg's mother's house on Saturday we discovered there had been a miscommunication about meal times. Dinner was a few hours away. Lauren was hungry and needed to pick up a personal item at the grocery. After getting that item, she went to my mom's house for snacks! She knew exactly where to drive for food in Ohio! I cracked up when I learned the real reason she needed to run out right after arriving.

• If any of my homeschooling friends have some advice, I'd love to hear from you. Kate has not improved with our current online program in any area of language arts. Her reading is a full grade level behind, she cannot write or spell well but her reading comprehension is strong. She appreciates books well beyond her level when they are read to her. I am seeking alternative curriculum for second semester. The charter school is offering more of the same, all of it online. K12 was excellent when our first children were in elementary school; however, it seems to be lacking a balance of book work and computer time at this point in it's development.  Istep testing is the least of my concerns but the primary focus for K12. It's time to make a change.

• Her math skills are excellent and I give full credit to the Montessori school for that. She has no trouble working at a fourth grade level in math so I would also like to find simple book work to keep her skills sharp. She no longer utilizes any manipulative tools and typically solves problems in her head. Once again, please share any advice.

• The older girls have had a few snow days. Laziness prevailed and it was wonderful. Lauren has now driven in ice and snow. In fact, she took her driver's exam in the start of an ice storm and thrived. Did I mention how much I appreciate her license? Kate was rather distraught to learn our school could easily be attended in the snow. She had the snow day blues.

Over the River and Through the Woods.....

 Grandma's house was quite the winter wonderland this weekend. Simply beautiful. And cold.

Feet dangling from the balcony were tickled by Uncle Brad and Grandpa. 

I enjoyed a sweet conversation with Lizzie about kindergarten where she admitted she likes school but it is taking forever. Smile.

Everyone was spoiled and had a great time; even a very sleep deprived Greg who tends to mercilessly harass his children when he's exhausted.

We were able to update the cousin photo in between games of tag, wrestling sessions and overindulging in treats.

This day

Today I felt weepy; seemingly for no apparent reason.  Several little things piled into a giant ugly ball of emotions I failed to contain. They spilled out of my eyes without warning several times throughout the day.

I discovered I cannot be a foster parent. It wasn't exactly on our radar but it's good to acknowledge areas of concern before venturing into new territory. Brycen will no longer be coming to play in the new year. The news rattled me. He belongs here. We feel like someone is missing when he spends the day with his actual family. He's joining his older brother in the daycare he's waited to enter for months. I understand the family's need to maintain sanity with one drop off/pick up location but it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. I grow rather attached to these little people. If I have this much trouble letting children go home to loving families, can you imagine the mess I'd be if I had to send them back into dysfunctional and sometimes abusive homes? Kidnapping charges would be forthcoming. So we cannot foster. As I said, it's good to identify these things ahead of time.

I took the kids to see Santa and to play at Bass Pro Shop's Winter Wonderland. It's a traditional favorite for Kate and Ty. I forgot to bring the camera and was disappointed I couldn't capture all the wonder or smiles. As we pulled into the parking lot, Ty asked what he was supposed to say when Santa asked if he'd been good. I fought laughter before suggesting perhaps the honest answer of, "mostly good" would be appropriate. Ty was excited as we entered the store. He eagerly waited in line, waving and yelling enthusiastic hellos to the big guy in the red suit. Once we were the next family in line to approach Santa, Ty was still excited and I had the nerve to think this would be our first year with Ty willingly participating in a Santa photo. That was my mistake because half way down the red carpet, little man stopped walking and declared he already has a picture with Grady (the neighbor boy) and doesn't need one of Santa. So once again, Kate was photographed with Santa alone. She's a big fan.

After we moved away from Santa's chair, Ty happily waved good bye and told him we'd make him cookies again this year.

Tonight, I managed to pick up my camera for this moment. Redeeming. All tough days come to an end.

Weekend Review

It was a gorgeous sixty degree day and I treasured it by quilting on the porch swing in the sunshine. Is it presumptuous to request the weather that ushered in December see us through the new year?

We decorated the vast majority of the house last night. Kate and Ty are pretty excited and are especially in love with Kate's little tree. I am waiting until much later in the month to put up the family tree. Little fingers spend their week days with us and I am just not ready for the all too tempting no-no to be destroyed. I wonder if I could convince everyone to accept Kate's tree as the family tree this year.

My grandma gave me her nativity set a few years ago. I have always tried to keep it somewhere safe but opted this year to make it the focal point of our Christmas season. A little one at church today called nativity sets, "Jesus houses". Precious.

I also brought the little green chair in from our outside fall display, added this little pillow and created a time out location. You may find me there frequently this month. I would love a photo of Devyn occupying it because she is the cutest two year old in time out; however, photographing a time out may not be appropriate.  I may need to ask her parents about it as I think it would be an adorable keepsake.

So I mentioned to Kate I would like to ask Santa's permission to take over the stockings. She very carefully chose her words as she described all the items Santa has successfully given her over the years. After a few painful moments, I let her off the hook by asking her if she thought I could handle the job. Once again, she hesitantly spoke as she confessed she didn't. Smile.

Friday night Mom, Dad and I took Kate and Ty to see the Lights Under Louisville with the rest of the city. The line was incredible but moved much more quickly than anticipated. The kids were beyond impressed. Mom said she wished we'd had an audio recording of their reaction. We'd treasure it for sure. It was just one special memory from a great weekend.