Summer Break Week Three

Erin was five years old when her daddy was injured at work. We waited until he was more lucid and able to talk before allowing the girls to see him. Erin spent those days researching what had happened to her daddy with a body book that used transparencies of the different systems that make up the human body. When we entered his room that day, Erin sat on the edge of his bed, holding his cup and straw for him and discussing all the bones he broke and how surgies were fixing him. By contrast, Lauren, age three and a half wouldn't fully enter the room. She instead leaned against the doorframe with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face demanding know why he fell off that ladder. Watching Erin though, I had an vision of her pursuing the medical field.

She hasn't wasted her ability to research as she is finishing another degree before entering dental school in 2021. But where her research gets her is when she is concerned about her health or the health of others she loves. Walking into an appointment with her is not for the faint of heart as she will take any physician to task with her questions and arguments. She advocates fiercely and sometimes misses the mark on grace but has a great relationship with her doctor, none the less.

Today I had to drop her off at the surgical center for a larger biopsy. Erin pushed for a hysterectomy and I am grateful her doctor firmly refused. There is still a chance we may end up with the hysterectomy eventually but for now, there is time to wait out these stubborn cells that relentlessly attack her body. It's been a long year full of uncertainty and pain.

We otherwise navigated the doctor's appointments that landed Erin in surgery today and Kate getting braces. Thanks to Makenna, Kate was also able to get a bracket replaced today while I waited with Ty outside the surgical center. Initially the kids were waiting together at home but a wire sticking into the side of Kate's mouth warranted a last minute plan B. It's always something. But Kate looks so stinking cute in braces and is as usual rolling with punches managing her pain. Sister is tough.

Ty has been pretty bored this week and rather irate with reinstated daily reading requirements for the summer. Makenna captured an outburst for twitter......

No drama here.

Erin's cat spent the week with us because she refused to leave when Erin was ready to return home Sunday night. We knew she would be back this week for doctor's appointments so it was easier to keep her than fight her. She's spoiled. She has decided she likes the energy of our house compared to the quiet of her own.

We've gotten used to her shenanigans and are happy to have her and her momma staying with us this weekend.

In other news, Lauren has also navigated wisdom teeth extraction beautifully. Her in-laws are able to relax with the couple and enjoy Austin more than expected. I'm so grateful they were able to go down to help. Honestly, it's pretty amazing. They hired a nanny to stay with their children so they could take care of mine. I'm beyond touched by their generosity and the support we've had from so many this week.

Weekend Getaway

When the world shut down a few months ago, we booked a weekend in Brown County as an early anniversary celebration and because getting away from the people we brought into the world seemed like a good idea at the time. We tend to avoid July for these weekends because it is usually too hot to enjoy hiking, hot tubs and porch swings. The joke was on us with temperatures in the nineties but we made the best if it with early morning hikes and late evening dinners on the covered porch.

As it turns out, the timing of this weekend was perfect despite repeatedly questioning if we should cancel. You see, not only did the world as a whole lose its collective mind last week, but our personal world has been rocked a bit too.

We used the time away together to not only connect and reflect our almost twenty-six year marriage, but also make peace with the chaos our particular brand of crazy produces. With five kids, it is always something, or several things as is often the case. The week ahead holds oral surgery for Lauren in Georgia and I cannot be there for support. This breaks my heart. We hope to have our air conditioning serviced as the unit is making obnoxious noises that indicate we are living on borrowed time. Kate is getting braces and Erin is receiving biopsy results and meeting with her doctor to discuss surgical options. The weight of it all could bury us if we allow. So whereas the timing felt altogether wrong because we left Erin to process and research while running our home, it was also exactly what we all needed. She was kept busy with the animals while little siblings made meals and we had time away from the noise to surrender once again to the reality we are not in control. This, I believe will be a life long journey for me. Greg rolls with the punches as I internally wrestle with scenarios and hesitate to lessen the grip I hold. We make a good team. We chatted a bit about our relationship and realized it is storms like this week that have bonded us so closely together. So for all the discomfort of the hard seasons, they are never wasted as they tend to grow us.

The weekend was perfect, in all the imperfect ways.

Summer Break Week 2

When Theresa and I were little, my mom's friend, Karan babysat us for a long weekend. Theresa and I both have nothing but fond memories of that weekend (or others like it) as Karan is one of those women whose laugh is contagious with a quick sense of humor to match. There was a drive thru moment ingrained in my memory because we laughed so hard but it wasn't until my adult years I recognized what had actually happened. We were picking up tacos at Taco Cabana in SanAntonio when the clerk, looking at our beautiful friend of color and two straggly white kids asked, "these your girls?" Karan, without missing a beat replied, "yes. They have my eyes." Theresa and I howled. However, as an adult who has always had a carload of extra kids with her, I have never once been asked if they were mine unless I had so many and then the question has been, "are they ALL yours?" I missed the nuances then and still fail to see them all now as the blatant is so obvious and painful. I am wrestling with how to use my voice. As a white mother who has never had to caution her son against wearing his hood over his head so he doesn't look suspicious and has never had to teach my children how to manage being pulled over by police, I come from a place of privilege and am likely to get this wrong. I see so many of my white brothers and sisters lamenting the injustice and I am cautious because so many of the posts are intended to make US feel better, not make a difference for the black lives in need of more than platitudes. Our church hosted a prayer service in the parking lot this weekend and I knew immediately we missed the mark. Standing in a crowd of white, like minded Christians to pray over the nation is something we do for ourselves. Humbling and silencing ourselves and joining our brothers and sisters of color in their church parking lot to pray and listen would have been better. I am listening to voices that sound nothing like mine, leaning into the discomfort and praying I learn how to appropriately speak up because I see the injustice and my heart is broken.

As is always the case, life tastes bitter and sweet simultaneously. The trick, it seems is noting both and appreciating the value of each.

Saturday morning was lazy and peaceful. We snuggled before I walked with my neighbor and then we had breakfast together before celebrating Anna's eighth birthday that afternoon. The gorgeous day allowed for the siding to be repaired by Noah, with Greg's supervision, as only Noah has arms long enough to reach from the roof. We decided we were even after all the proteins that boy raids from our fridge after we go to bed at night.

Sunday, we again lounged around together enjoying a gorgeous day. Erin and Tim joined us for dinner before Kate returned to youth group, the only group meeting at our church so far. While she was at church, I walked with friends in a nearby neighborhood and made the most of a beautiful evening.

Monday, Kate met with her orthodontist for a bracket. The chain now has a permanent place to stay attached and sister is happy to be eating real food again. We were pleased the doctor was so receptive to a panicked call from us on a Sunday morning when the stitch in the gum line fell out. He had us meet him in his Louisville office before normal operating ours to painlessly repair the situation. We think she is in good hands.

She was clearly feeling better and also bored Monday afternoon, so she played in makeup and entertained herself beautifully.

Tuesday we returned to Deam Lake for water play as a way to combat the heat and sun. It has grown in popularity since last week and was significantly more crowded but still a great group. The beach was so full, friends from church were there the same time we were and we didn't see them. Given the reluctance of pools in the area to open, I suspect the lake will remain busy all summer.

For the record, Anne was shielding her eyes from the sun so she could see Ty's video. She wasn't hiding from the camera. All my kids know they can count on Anne and Ty appreciated the audience as he shared his videos.

Anne invited us over to swim Wednesday afternoon and we all enjoyed ourselves. Anne and I were both reminiscing as we listened to our kids laughing and splashing together. It took almost nothing to take us both back to their preschool years when they were first becoming friends. Time flies.

The dog has days she refuses to eat so Kate patiently hand feeds her to entice her. Layla is spoiled.

Makenna spoils her. A new collar and toy arrived this week. Layla destroyed the toy within minutes. Of course she did.

"Look at this awesome new water bowl Kenna got me!" Layla

If I could stop holding stress in my neck and shoulders, I would be a new person. It's been decades and I have yet to figure out how to truly let things go; stewing so ineffective yet my go-to strategy none the less. Fortunately I have become friends with my massage therapist over the years so when tears started flowing during a session Wednesday, she didn't react but I was embarrassed. She was working out tension and I was surprised by the release. I needed it more than I realized and it left me exhausted, tired into my bones. The weight of a daughter's latest biopsy, the turmoil in the world and the uncertainty of it all had me stuffing emotions until it spilled over. Leaky eyes are normal these days.

Ty woke with a cold sore this week. This is normal for him and yet he always seems taken aback to discover them. He was rather dramatic this round, insisting he was unable to eat and moaning loudly, for the entire house to hear. My empathy lasted approximately three minutes before I pointed out all Kate had endured in the last week alone without complaint. He failed to grasp my meaning. I am sure there is a relevant analogy in all of this about not recognizing the pain in others because we are too absorbed in our own world, but all I was left thinking was that my future daughter-in-law is going to hate me even though I have tried. I truly have.

We used to think Layla was the one eating my lemongrass. She has help.

Thursday Erin stayed with us for biopsy recovery and Ada resumed her role as queen of the house.

Lauren sent an update on some sweet faces at her house. We miss that boy and look forward to meeting Remi in the coming months. They appear far more innocent than they are but oh my goodness, they are so cute.