April

In Cantonese, there is a word that means "eat bitter." Eating something bitter is unpleasant; but having the ability to do so carries you into the next leg of your journey. Slowly chewing insures the nutrients add value to your life and the waste gets eliminated. This is how digestion works. In the spirit of seeing how to turn something bitter into something palatable, we can look at the tragedy of grief. If we take the time to fully process it, not rush through, but truly digest it for the season or seasons it takes to heal, we can absorb what is good for us and let go of what no longer serves us. All of life, whether good or bad, teaches us and helps mold us into our future selves. Who we become is often determined by how well we can tolerate eating the bitter. In reflection, I realize I use the term bittersweet often to describe life situations. The kids are independent and living their own lives. This is a perfect example. I'm so proud of who they are and yet still miss the simplicity of earlier days with them all gathered under my roof. It was then I was disillusioned enough to believe I was in control. You can laugh. I am laughing at me too. But motherhood was my goal from my earliest memories as a six year old tossing pennies into mall fountains wishing my baby dolls were real. As much as I know I was born to nurture and love, I also know how much it guts me at times. A few of our children experienced bitter situations this month. Sleep was lost, tears were shed and the process of grieving once again launched. 

A long distance friend recently shared a memory of me stating my head could explode but then I'd just have to clean it up. I don't recall the declaration but it does sound very much like me. Life has been hectic; some good, some not so good but productive and then not. I have napped and I have scrubbed so hard my shoulder needed medical attention. I wish I was exaggerating. I've kept up with yoga despite kitten shenanigans while I pose. Yoga is loud with laughter; as it should be. I had a physical, visited a therapist, deep cleaned several areas in the house, failed to see the results and wondered aloud why I spin my wheels. But the warmer weather has reintroduced me to my porch swing, garden centers and leisurely walks. Spring has sprung and ushered with it a spirit of renewal. 

Two of our children stretched me in new ways this month and neither experience was comfortable. Motherhood still surprises me thirty years later. Thank God I practice responding over reacting, or April could have been far more colorful. This mom is emotionally worn and exhausted.

I worked Easter Sunday this year and was thanked repeatedly by management and patients for doing so. In the end, I realized I didn't clean, shop or cook for a giant meal so I probably came out ahead. But Kate sent me pictures of her celebration with Riley's family and Lauren shared a snapshot of Austin's. Greg and Makenna meal prepped and worked out together after church. Easter was acknowledged; He is risen indeed.

Makenna sent me a reel of a young woman holding up her Easter basket declaring her mom would remain out of the home afterall. I quipped back, "but what if she wants to go?" I amuse only myself.

Greg and I slipped up to Dayton to check in on his parents and attend an open house after the funeral of a friend's father. Much to my delight, the day lined up with an author experience for Kristin, so I was able to surprise her with a brief appearance. I am still so dang proud of her.

I took Austin to see his first musical and he asked why they kept singing. The Addams Family at the local middle school was pretty cute. I was there to see Devyn, whom I babysat long before she was a stunning 8th grader owning the stage. Austin asked if she is always dramatic and both of her parents nodded affirmation. We slipped out during the standing ovation to buy ice cream and candy. Austin suggested we go to my house so his mom couldn't tell us no. 

I text this to Lauren who responded, "I am packing his bag. He stays with you tonight." 

Tying shoes as a leftie is tricky.

 

We explored the nature preserve at the end of the neighborhood. Ty lead the way since he is down there frequently. Austin found deer tracks and awesome walking sticks. It was a gorgeous afternoon.

Baseball season launched and our favorite player is as adorable as ever on the field. I love watching him from the stands where we have shockingly had to take cover from balls hit over the fence. (Austin has not hit them over the fence. He plays with kids who are already on travel teams in the first grade.) Shout out to Makenna for the snapshots. Mimi hasn't taken a camera out yet this year. 

March

 

Austin was beyond excited to spend the evening with Erin and Evan, "I am going to have so much except for the boring basketball game and terrible pizza." The expression on Erin's face was priceless. She picked up the boys for a fun night out and he shot it all down in one declaration. Despite the premonition, they had a great time. 

They ordered beer cheese with pretzels and Austin freaked out on Ty for eating it. "You cannot have that! You aren't 21." This child misses nothing. He was so irate, Erin had to text me assurance Ty was not consuming alcohol.

Each of his classmates wrote something about Austin on his Happy Birthday board at school 

We celebrated Austin's seventh birthday throughout the weekend. He was so excited about the theme of a golden birthday that he insisted upon a golden hammer he saw at Harbour Freight. Dean had it engraved with his name to make it more special. His dad sent large fake gold chains and a hat with a gold dollar sign. He looked like a little thug but was glowing. We suffered through terrible pizza so he could sit by the train and then enjoyed a gorgeous day at the zoo together. Our favorite human is seven. This seems completely impossible.

She said she needed a new hobby so I introduced her to my knitting needles. At first, she was certain this was a disaster but quickly got the hang of it. Now some little friends are placing custom orders.

Paw Patrol 

Ty and I still slip away for dinner on Wednesday nights. The time invested is decision I am beyond grateful for as he opens up and lets me in on his worries, joys and humor. Feeding him is expensive but the reward is priceless.

He recently shared how he became friends with Elijah. They had the same Spider-Man hoodie in kindergarten and wore it on the same day. Then Elijah beatboxed a song about them being twins on the bus. Fast forward nine years; they ride bikes to school together and secretly still like Spiderman.

Ty had some blood work run this month and his vitamin d was so low his pediatrician laughingly asked me to send him to Florida. We elected a high dose supplement instead but the idea of soaking in some sunshine sounds very appealing. Ty looked so hopeful as he pointed out, "doctor's orders." This is the same office where the now retired lead pediatrician used to insist upon ice cream for sore throats. My kids loved him.

The hardest hitting hail storm any of us have ever experienced blew through here early one Saturday morning and left a mess of damage in it's wake. We are currently navigating insurance claims adjusters and contractors for jobs that weren't already on the lengthy repair list. 

A few hours later, Greg and I left town to visit a friend and saw this on the way out of the neighborhood. It is not snow. It was sixty five degrees. The hail pile on our porch lasted over twenty-four hours despite the warm weather. It was wild. 

I accepted an internal job change and started with an Immediate Care Center working three days a week. Twelve hour days are long but having weekdays off to manage life is a refreshing change of pace. I am keeping the same benefits in a smaller facility with a strong management team. The decision was an easy one for me to make despite having some friends as coworkers at the Neuroscience Institute. Some of those friends had some feelings about me leaving. 

I was warmly received at the Immediate Care Center. The management team seems strong and the coworkers are thus far welcoming. Walking in my first morning to streamers, gifts and a welcome sign blew me away. I was already thrilled with the schedule and now I am also delighted about the team. 

Ty goes out for lengthy bike rides and sometimes reports his adventures with video evidence.....

He makes me nervous; yet, has no idea why I would oppose a motorcycle. 🤦

I'm glad someone appreciates the cozy dog bed. Diesel finds it insulting.

We gathered for brunch to celebrate Erin and Greg. Birthdays since Erin's birth have been mostly in her favor. Greg has accepted this unconditionally. He gained a daughter thirty years ago and has since hosted tea parties, shared pink cakes and gone with the flow of whatever she decided. They spent a few years having a drink over wings too. I love their relationship. But this year, my parents and sister joined us and the laughter around our table was perfect. 

Mr. Potato Head Casserole for the win. (Hash brown casserole, scrambled eggs, sausage, queso, shredded cheese, salsa and sour cream. Layer as you choose.)

Some kittens were sent to timeout over the table decorations. They aren't allowed up there but flowers proved entirely too tempting.

Lemon cake with "30 & Fabulous" topper.

All animals love my dad.

Ty and Austin were on Spring Break my first week on my new job so I had two days off to hang out with my favorite boys. We had lunch, went hiking along an abandoned train track and stopped for a treat on the way home. We all enjoyed the day. The flexibility my new schedule provides is pretty awesome.

Greg and I wrapped the month with a quick road trip to see his family. It was a quiet day for a long drive and quality time together. His parents are suddenly aging despite their very active retirement. It's a bit unnerving to witness the decline. At times we wish we lived closer to help shoulder some of the caretaking that's landed on Brad and Jessica. One daughter recently reflected, "Grandma and Grandpa are more human in their vulnerability." The relationship has been difficult to navigate over the years so this just adds another layer to sort through. We hope to always land on the side of grace. 

This little peanut needed nine month photos taken and was an absolute pro. By the end of the session, she was ready to be behind the camera too. I am grateful to her grandma for capturing the moment.